Teddy Gowan has always been the heart of Holby’s paramedic team — dependable, good-humored, the man you can trust to stay calm in a crisis. But lately, cracks have been forming beneath his cheerful exterior.

And this week, those cracks threaten to shatter completely.

Because no matter how hard Teddy tries to keep moving forward, the weight on his shoulders is becoming impossible to ignore.

A Shift Too Far

From the moment Teddy clocks in, the pressure is relentless. Calls blur together: a factory accident, a collapsed runner, a road traffic collision. The city never stops needing him — and Teddy never stops trying to answer the call.

But underneath it all, something’s changed.

The adrenaline that once kept him sharp now feels more like a vice, squeezing tighter with every siren, every desperate cry for help.

Every time he straps on his kit, Teddy feels like he’s carrying the world on his back.

And the cracks are beginning to show.

Doubting Himself

The doubts creep in slowly at first, whispering in the quiet moments between emergencies.

Did he miss something with that factory worker? Could he have gotten the runner to hospital faster? Did he make the right call at that crash site?

Each question gnaws at him, carving out pieces of the confident man he used to be.

Colleagues offer smiles and banter, but Teddy feels like he’s walking through fog, disconnected from the team, from himself.

The more he doubts, the more mistakes he fears he’ll make. And the more he fears mistakes, the shakier he feels.

It’s a vicious cycle — and Teddy doesn’t know how to break it.

A Dangerous Close Call

The tipping point comes during a routine call that spirals into chaos.

Teddy and his partner are attending to a young man with suspected internal bleeding when a fight breaks out nearby. In the confusion, Teddy makes a split-second decision to move the patient himself — a decision that nearly worsens the injury.

The young man pulls through, thanks largely to quick work from the ED team. But Teddy can’t forgive himself.

Later, standing outside the ambulance bay under a dull grey sky, Teddy leans against the wall, heart pounding.

It could have been worse. Much worse.

And it would have been his fault.

Carrying the Blame

Jan Jenning, always direct but fair, tries to reassure him. Mistakes happen. The important thing is that he recognized the danger and acted fast.

But Teddy can barely hear her over the roar of his own guilt.

He’s supposed to save lives. To stay sharp. To be better.

If he can’t even trust his own instincts anymore, what kind of paramedic is he?

What kind of man?

The self-loathing cuts deeper than any injury he’s ever treated.

A Moment of Honesty

It’s Iain Dean — battle-scarred, empathetic, a man who’s fought his own demons — who finally breaks through to Teddy.

Over coffee in the staff room, Iain doesn’t offer hollow comfort. He doesn’t sugar-coat the reality of the job.

“You’re human,” Iain says simply. “This job… it chews you up sometimes. Makes you doubt yourself. Makes you question everything. But that doesn’t mean you’re not good at it.”

Teddy listens, the words sinking in slowly, painfully.

Iain admits to his own low points — the sleepless nights, the doubts that almost drove him away from the job altogether.

“You don’t have to be perfect, Ted,” Iain says. “You just have to care. And you do. More than most.”

Choosing to Fight

Later, sitting in the back of his ambulance, Teddy looks around — the battered walls, the worn equipment, the signs of a thousand battles fought and won.

This isn’t just a job. It’s who he is.

And maybe that’s why it hurts so much when he feels like he’s failing.

But maybe — just maybe — the fact that he cares so deeply is exactly what makes him good at it.

He’ll still make mistakes. He’ll still have doubts.

But he won’t let them define him.

Not anymore.

A New Beginning

The next shift, Teddy takes a breath before stepping into the fray.

The city is still chaotic. The emergencies haven’t gotten any easier.

But something inside him has shifted.

He’s still scared.

Still uncertain.

But he’s here. He’s fighting.

And sometimes, in this brutal, beautiful job, that’s the bravest thing of all.

Teddy Gowan isn’t perfect.

But he’s exactly the kind of hero Holby needs.

Now, more than ever.